marriage - what a gift we have in each other

(written 2/15/2010)

I am full of gratitude, wonder, and joy for the gift of my marriage. Today is our 34th anniversary - more than a third of a century together in unbroken trust.

Love, faith, hope, hard work, trials, set backs, forgiveness, renewal, discovery, commitment, and unmerited grace and mercy are part of our story. There are some things that are hard to put into words because the totality of what this means is huge. Our union has changed both of us forever and given us so many wonderful things, some we needed, some we desired, and many things just pure gifts. Since no human is perfect in this life, we still struggle against our own tendencies that sometimes work against peace and unity. I'm so glad when we wrote our own vows (it was the 1970s - what can I say?), we included the phrase "I will forgive you always". That has saved me countless times, including this past week! Most of our disagreements are over stupid, inconsequential things. Alas, we humans carry so much baggage, it would sink us if we didn't have a way to disengage from past hurts, frustrations, and grief.

One of the biggest surprises for me this past year is how much we are still learning about each other. One would think after so much time and thousands of hours of talking, we would know all that can be known about each other, yet that is not true. We are still learning things about ourselves, things we have never communicated about because we did not know it ourselves. The light of Ellen's insights into my personality reveal undiscovered things, secret preferences and attitudes I have that I don't know myself. And I bring light to her as well. This is possible only because we trust each other. The years of steady love, affirmation, and respect changes everything. We are re-making each other and calling each other on to be the best version of ourselves. Sometimes that is a difficult transition, but the fruit is good. The fruit of our union is very, very good. Blessed be God, who gives us everything good - beyond all hope, calculation, or dream.