I read from the journals of the French writer & mystic Gabrielle Bossis every day. These writings were compiled into a single book called "He and I". They inspire, motivate, challenge, and ground me. Here are some brief words from God to Gabrielle.
"By ... carrying your cross you will find that your cross is carrying you." - Nov 6, 1944
"It is with thoughts of our oneness that you will discover your duty to give happiness to those I have placed around you." - Mar 30, 1949
"Keep going blindly. Take delight in knowing nothing of the future . . .". - Feb 3, 1949
"Pray for sinners and know that you save them because My merits are infinite." - Dec 3, 1942
"Find a sweeter name for death. Call it 'the Meeting' ." - Oct 8, 1942
"Make use of your sensitivity. It was given to you so that you might merit from it." - Apr 22, 1939
"Be in me. Don't be in yourself." - Apr 4, 1938
"Don't believe in chance, but learn to see the hand of your Father, your Friend - the One who never leaves you - in everything that happens." - Mar 30, 1949
"Don't be afraid of Me. Be afraid to be afraid." - Nov 23, 1944
"What do you need more than God?" - Feb 26, 1947
"Remember that nothing happens without My permission, and be very serene. There is nothing like serenity for convincing people of the Good." - Mar 6, 1947
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Four Factors of Alcoholism
I have been attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings for more than a year now. I had my last drink of alcohol on 10-31-2009. It has been a great relief for me to simply remove alcohol (mostly beer) from my life. I was spending great amounts of energy to control my desire for more beer; it was much easier to just give it up altogether. One thing that puzzled me for the last year is this: why now? Why did I suddenly find myself wanting to drink everyday? Why did my tolerance for booze go up? After drinking modestly for almost 40 years, something changed.
The one striking thing I've discovered over this last year is this: there are many faces to this disease. I always knew I could become an alcoholic someday, given my family history. But the theoretical possibility and the actual reality of it happening, in the way that it did happen, was surprising, even shocking to me. The manifestation of this crippling disease in me did not look like the alcoholism of my Dad or my siblings. In fact, the desire to drink and to drink more & more crept in gradually into my life over 3 or 4 years. I've been wondering how this happened and what triggered the change in me. I heard a fascinating AA talk recorded in 1957 by a man named Inor Hansen in Monterey, California on "The Four Factors of Alcoholism". He lists these factors as 1) Absorption, 2) Distribution, 3) Combustion, and 4) Body Chemistry.
Before describing each factor, he asks the question : what is an alcoholic ? He answers "a person whose body processes do not give him the protections that enable him to maintain sensible control of himself when he drinks alcohol". We do not make ourselves an alcoholic even if we drink excessively. Alcoholism is a real disease. You cannot change the way your body works by willpower, morals, good judgment, character, etc. This disease is not really a compulsion but an obsession of the mind, that is an idea that comes to me with a power of its own. Your childhood and upbringing make no difference to the body processes you have. The alcoholic reaches for a drink to get relief from powerful negative emotions. This is not really "stinking thinking" as much as it is the "squealing feelings" of fear, guilt, and shame. Alcoholics "over respond" to their feelings. We drink to suppress our internal pain, not to escape reality.
1. Absorption A slow rate of absorption is one of the body's defenses against alcoholism. Two men at a bar drink 4 beers in an hour. Both have promised the wives they would be home by 6 pm. One man's body absorbs alcohol rapidly into the bloodstream; the other has a slow rate of absorption. The man with this normal, slower rate has most of the alcohol still in his stomach and at 5:55 recalls he must leave now to get home but the other man is already impaired by the amount of alcohol in his bloodstream, which has hit the brain's higher functions (like judgment). The impaired man is not morally inferior; his body has "betrayed" him by absorbing alcohol's anesthetic power more rapidly. He cannot "see" what is happening to him. This man is in the "unlucky 10%" that lack one of the body's normal protections against consuming too much alcohol.
2. Distribution For some people, 10% to 50% of consumed alcohol is deposited in the heavy, fleshy parts of the body, resulting in less alcohol reaching the brain. That means the higher levels of brain function (like good judgment) remain active. This is considered "favorable distribution". People with this natural protection against overconsumption of alcohol find that their muscles and respiration relax and they have less energy to do stupid things, including more drinking; often they simply go to sleep. (note: going to sleep is not the same thing as having an alcoholic "black out" when the person remains conscious but is not recording his actions or activities). Poor distribution allows more alcohol to reach the brain and to effect the higher brain functions. Changes in weight may affect the body's ability to handle alcohol.
3. Combustion This breaks down the alcohol and converts it to energy, which is part of the body's metabolism. Most people have a high rate of combustion : 75%, 85%, or even 100%. This is the social drinker with a natural protection against overdoing the drinks. These people recover from too much alcohol more quickly than alcoholics because the booze is burned off. They may suffer from a hangover the next day but still remain able to function well and go to work. A small minority of alcohol consumers have a combustion rate of 25%, 15% or lower. These people remain under the anesthetic influence of alcohol for a longer period of time, often waking up the next day with high levels of alcohol still in the blood stream. He is unable to care about his work or other responsibilities because the brain is still compromised.
4. Body Chemistry For most social drinkers, the consumption of alcohol causes the body to release adrenalin, which can actually stimulate the higher functions of the brain, which makes the individual more cautious and wary than he was before drinking. This adrenalin is another defense against drinking too much. Alcohol is not a stimulant itself, but the release of adrenalin acts like an internal "fire department" to keep one from danger. Do not let the social drinker tell you that they possess superior morals than you; they only have a different body reaction to alcohol.
Every person has feelings of inferiority or of not being wanted to some degree. We all have feelings of fear, shame, guilt, etc. The alcoholic is influenced by these powerful emotions to a much greater degree. This is why they are so vulnerable to "anesthetic excess". They are seeking relief! They find relief rather immediately with drugs and / or alcohol. But at what price?
The one striking thing I've discovered over this last year is this: there are many faces to this disease. I always knew I could become an alcoholic someday, given my family history. But the theoretical possibility and the actual reality of it happening, in the way that it did happen, was surprising, even shocking to me. The manifestation of this crippling disease in me did not look like the alcoholism of my Dad or my siblings. In fact, the desire to drink and to drink more & more crept in gradually into my life over 3 or 4 years. I've been wondering how this happened and what triggered the change in me. I heard a fascinating AA talk recorded in 1957 by a man named Inor Hansen in Monterey, California on "The Four Factors of Alcoholism". He lists these factors as 1) Absorption, 2) Distribution, 3) Combustion, and 4) Body Chemistry.
Before describing each factor, he asks the question : what is an alcoholic ? He answers "a person whose body processes do not give him the protections that enable him to maintain sensible control of himself when he drinks alcohol". We do not make ourselves an alcoholic even if we drink excessively. Alcoholism is a real disease. You cannot change the way your body works by willpower, morals, good judgment, character, etc. This disease is not really a compulsion but an obsession of the mind, that is an idea that comes to me with a power of its own. Your childhood and upbringing make no difference to the body processes you have. The alcoholic reaches for a drink to get relief from powerful negative emotions. This is not really "stinking thinking" as much as it is the "squealing feelings" of fear, guilt, and shame. Alcoholics "over respond" to their feelings. We drink to suppress our internal pain, not to escape reality.
1. Absorption A slow rate of absorption is one of the body's defenses against alcoholism. Two men at a bar drink 4 beers in an hour. Both have promised the wives they would be home by 6 pm. One man's body absorbs alcohol rapidly into the bloodstream; the other has a slow rate of absorption. The man with this normal, slower rate has most of the alcohol still in his stomach and at 5:55 recalls he must leave now to get home but the other man is already impaired by the amount of alcohol in his bloodstream, which has hit the brain's higher functions (like judgment). The impaired man is not morally inferior; his body has "betrayed" him by absorbing alcohol's anesthetic power more rapidly. He cannot "see" what is happening to him. This man is in the "unlucky 10%" that lack one of the body's normal protections against consuming too much alcohol.
2. Distribution For some people, 10% to 50% of consumed alcohol is deposited in the heavy, fleshy parts of the body, resulting in less alcohol reaching the brain. That means the higher levels of brain function (like good judgment) remain active. This is considered "favorable distribution". People with this natural protection against overconsumption of alcohol find that their muscles and respiration relax and they have less energy to do stupid things, including more drinking; often they simply go to sleep. (note: going to sleep is not the same thing as having an alcoholic "black out" when the person remains conscious but is not recording his actions or activities). Poor distribution allows more alcohol to reach the brain and to effect the higher brain functions. Changes in weight may affect the body's ability to handle alcohol.
3. Combustion This breaks down the alcohol and converts it to energy, which is part of the body's metabolism. Most people have a high rate of combustion : 75%, 85%, or even 100%. This is the social drinker with a natural protection against overdoing the drinks. These people recover from too much alcohol more quickly than alcoholics because the booze is burned off. They may suffer from a hangover the next day but still remain able to function well and go to work. A small minority of alcohol consumers have a combustion rate of 25%, 15% or lower. These people remain under the anesthetic influence of alcohol for a longer period of time, often waking up the next day with high levels of alcohol still in the blood stream. He is unable to care about his work or other responsibilities because the brain is still compromised.
4. Body Chemistry For most social drinkers, the consumption of alcohol causes the body to release adrenalin, which can actually stimulate the higher functions of the brain, which makes the individual more cautious and wary than he was before drinking. This adrenalin is another defense against drinking too much. Alcohol is not a stimulant itself, but the release of adrenalin acts like an internal "fire department" to keep one from danger. Do not let the social drinker tell you that they possess superior morals than you; they only have a different body reaction to alcohol.
Every person has feelings of inferiority or of not being wanted to some degree. We all have feelings of fear, shame, guilt, etc. The alcoholic is influenced by these powerful emotions to a much greater degree. This is why they are so vulnerable to "anesthetic excess". They are seeking relief! They find relief rather immediately with drugs and / or alcohol. But at what price?
Monday, November 8, 2010
Below is a quote from my favorite book "He and i" by Gabrielle Bossis (1874-1950). This entry is from her journal of conversations with "the Voice", dated January 5, 1940.
"The days that lie ahead of you are fewer than those behind you. Then you and I should spend this last period of your life like two beings in perfect accord, heart calling to heart before they come face to face".
Turning 60 this year has made me realize that I am well beyond the mid-point of my life. Seeing my 80-year-old mother is a graphic reminder of what I may be going through in a short 20 years. She is frail, saddled with many health issues, and in a rapid decline.
How do I write the last chapter of my life?
I want to "finish the race well", as St Paul puts it. I've been a Catholic Christian my whole life, but did not embrace my faith with an adult understanding until I was 20 years old. (I had many experiences in childhood that I can only see as The Hound of Heaven pursuing me, even as a child. I felt close to God as an altar boy. But I was still too young to grasp the whole meaning and the cost. Not to mention my own mistakes as a boy).
I want to be a saint. Why settle for anything less? It may seem a little presumptuous to have such an aspiration, but is this not what the gospels call us to do? Jesus makes it clear that this is what He wants for us - to be "like Him" in all things. He just does not force us to do anything. Our free will really makes us free. He is just waiting for us to ask Him to make us saints; He already knows we are incapable of that on our own. If you think you are too sinful or stupid to be a saint, get a copy of the book "Saints Behaving Badly", a true history of many saints in the "early days" of their efforts to follow Christ. It is hilarious. And encouraging too.
Some of you have told me that I am preoccupied with death and morbid things. Does the Bible not exhort us to "consider your own end" as the beginning of wisdom? If we have no sense about the limitations of this life (like death!), how will we begin to look for the life beyond? How do we prepare ourselves for the next life? Where is our hope? If there is no "pie-in-the-sky when you die" (as C. S. Lewis puts it), why would we follow Jesus? St Paul tells us in his First Letter to the Corinthians that if there is no resurrection to eternal life, we Christians are the dumbest people on the planet and our lives are a waste. (See Chapter 15). We Christians look forward to the coming Day when Christ will raise our mortal bodies and usher us into His Kingdom forever. It is an exciting, thrilling, and glorious end to contemplate - the only goal worth our efforts. Ask God to make you a saint. Then get out of His way!
The End of the Race does come. I cannot slow down or slack off now. He wants me to do well. He is waiting at the finish line - for me.
Gary
"The days that lie ahead of you are fewer than those behind you. Then you and I should spend this last period of your life like two beings in perfect accord, heart calling to heart before they come face to face".
Turning 60 this year has made me realize that I am well beyond the mid-point of my life. Seeing my 80-year-old mother is a graphic reminder of what I may be going through in a short 20 years. She is frail, saddled with many health issues, and in a rapid decline.
How do I write the last chapter of my life?
I want to "finish the race well", as St Paul puts it. I've been a Catholic Christian my whole life, but did not embrace my faith with an adult understanding until I was 20 years old. (I had many experiences in childhood that I can only see as The Hound of Heaven pursuing me, even as a child. I felt close to God as an altar boy. But I was still too young to grasp the whole meaning and the cost. Not to mention my own mistakes as a boy).
I want to be a saint. Why settle for anything less? It may seem a little presumptuous to have such an aspiration, but is this not what the gospels call us to do? Jesus makes it clear that this is what He wants for us - to be "like Him" in all things. He just does not force us to do anything. Our free will really makes us free. He is just waiting for us to ask Him to make us saints; He already knows we are incapable of that on our own. If you think you are too sinful or stupid to be a saint, get a copy of the book "Saints Behaving Badly", a true history of many saints in the "early days" of their efforts to follow Christ. It is hilarious. And encouraging too.
Some of you have told me that I am preoccupied with death and morbid things. Does the Bible not exhort us to "consider your own end" as the beginning of wisdom? If we have no sense about the limitations of this life (like death!), how will we begin to look for the life beyond? How do we prepare ourselves for the next life? Where is our hope? If there is no "pie-in-the-sky when you die" (as C. S. Lewis puts it), why would we follow Jesus? St Paul tells us in his First Letter to the Corinthians that if there is no resurrection to eternal life, we Christians are the dumbest people on the planet and our lives are a waste. (See Chapter 15). We Christians look forward to the coming Day when Christ will raise our mortal bodies and usher us into His Kingdom forever. It is an exciting, thrilling, and glorious end to contemplate - the only goal worth our efforts. Ask God to make you a saint. Then get out of His way!
The End of the Race does come. I cannot slow down or slack off now. He wants me to do well. He is waiting at the finish line - for me.
Gary
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
our ripple effect on the lives of others
(written 9/17/2009 )
The article I wrote for the September issue of the magazine God's Word Among Us called "Ripple Effect Evangelism" continues to make waves. Sometimes we are completely unaware of how God uses us to reach others and that's a good thing. We might get a big head or get "puffed up with pride", which is spiritual death. But God lifts the curtain at times to motivate or encourage us. The story I wrote is touching people near and far. Calls are coming in to my home phone from all over the country. I ran into a local woman I know from the early days in the Word of God community who just read my piece. As she told me how encouraged she was by it, tears began to well up in her eyes. Really? I personally didn't think the story came out that well, but God is using it. Last night I got a call from a retired priest in Massachusetts. He met me only once or twice 39 years ago (when I was only 20!). Apparently, my friends and I were driving from Massachusetts to a leaders conference in Ann Arbor when our car broke down near my home town. While the car was being repaired, we were taken in overnight by members of a new sprouting prayer group. Father Darling said Mass for us and arranged a quick prayer meeting.
Unbeknownst to me, every eye in the prayer meeting was on me because I had the gift of tongues. Father told me when I began to sing in tongues, it electrified his little group. They knew I had grown up in nearby Holyoke, which gave me real credibility. I was encouraged to share how God was working in me. Never to shy to talk, I gave a rather long testimony, peppered with anecdotes of God's miraculous work in my life. I could see the crowd responding to me and quietly thanked the Lord. One old man in the back yelled out : "You're all caught up by the enthusiasm of this time, but it won't last. Just wait until life kicks you around a bit. You haven't suffered much and now go to a prestigious college." But Father Darling intervened. "That's not so Fred. Gary, tell them where you grew up in Holyoke". I was a little embarrassed because they would all know the place. "The Flats" I said. There was an audible collective gasp. That was a poor neighborhood in my home town. I told them a bit more about growing up in Holy Rosary parish. Now I had real "street cred" with the locals. How does a kid from there get to the top Catholic school in New England?
Father told me after I left my story spread like a brush fire and the prayer group grew to three times its size. Although I never visited that place again, they coninued to talk about "that kid from Holyoke" with awe and respect. Father was so blessed to find my article, he just had to call me. He and I will get together next month when I go out to visit my Mom for her birthday. We all are making an impact on the people around us. May we allow our Big Brother to make us fruitful for the kingdom.
Gary
The article I wrote for the September issue of the magazine God's Word Among Us called "Ripple Effect Evangelism" continues to make waves. Sometimes we are completely unaware of how God uses us to reach others and that's a good thing. We might get a big head or get "puffed up with pride", which is spiritual death. But God lifts the curtain at times to motivate or encourage us. The story I wrote is touching people near and far. Calls are coming in to my home phone from all over the country. I ran into a local woman I know from the early days in the Word of God community who just read my piece. As she told me how encouraged she was by it, tears began to well up in her eyes. Really? I personally didn't think the story came out that well, but God is using it. Last night I got a call from a retired priest in Massachusetts. He met me only once or twice 39 years ago (when I was only 20!). Apparently, my friends and I were driving from Massachusetts to a leaders conference in Ann Arbor when our car broke down near my home town. While the car was being repaired, we were taken in overnight by members of a new sprouting prayer group. Father Darling said Mass for us and arranged a quick prayer meeting.
Unbeknownst to me, every eye in the prayer meeting was on me because I had the gift of tongues. Father told me when I began to sing in tongues, it electrified his little group. They knew I had grown up in nearby Holyoke, which gave me real credibility. I was encouraged to share how God was working in me. Never to shy to talk, I gave a rather long testimony, peppered with anecdotes of God's miraculous work in my life. I could see the crowd responding to me and quietly thanked the Lord. One old man in the back yelled out : "You're all caught up by the enthusiasm of this time, but it won't last. Just wait until life kicks you around a bit. You haven't suffered much and now go to a prestigious college." But Father Darling intervened. "That's not so Fred. Gary, tell them where you grew up in Holyoke". I was a little embarrassed because they would all know the place. "The Flats" I said. There was an audible collective gasp. That was a poor neighborhood in my home town. I told them a bit more about growing up in Holy Rosary parish. Now I had real "street cred" with the locals. How does a kid from there get to the top Catholic school in New England?
Father told me after I left my story spread like a brush fire and the prayer group grew to three times its size. Although I never visited that place again, they coninued to talk about "that kid from Holyoke" with awe and respect. Father was so blessed to find my article, he just had to call me. He and I will get together next month when I go out to visit my Mom for her birthday. We all are making an impact on the people around us. May we allow our Big Brother to make us fruitful for the kingdom.
Gary
the limits of civility
written 9/13/2009
Much commentary has been made about congressman Joe Wilson's outburst during the president's speech Wednesday night. It was not something any of us like to see in a solemn setting like this. Mr. Wilson apologized immediately, citing his own weakness in overcoming "the passion of the moment". He says the outburst "You lie" was not pre-meditated. I take him at his word, seeing no evidence to contradict his statement. But it raised a question in my own mind - is there ever a time when such a harsh rebuke could be justified? Is politeness the highest value in the land? What about the truth?
Just hours before the speech, Mr. Wilson was reviewing HR 3200, the house version of the bill to revamp our health care system in the United States. He had just concluded from his reading and research that there were no guarantees against giving free medical care to illegal aliens in this country at the expense of tax-paying citizens. Whether this country should do this is a matter of intense debate. Mr. Wilson and many citizens don't believe it is right to spend tax money on something like this without a real clear decision made by the American people to do so. This was the background to his surprising shout. Most of us recognize our own propensity to do something like that, even against our own better judgment. Our laws make a distinction between a "crime of passion" and pre-meditated murder, which is not to say that speech comes close to a crime like that.
George Bush made a personal decision, announced in his first inaugural speech, to set a "new tone" in Washington. For better or worse, he was tired of the partisan wrangling, harsh allegations, and insults regularly tossed about between the two political parties. Some considered this as an honorable goal, something missing in our government, but others thought his judgment here to be naive. His opponents fashioned his style to be "tone deaf", a stubborn refusal to listen to his critics. There were things said about George Bush that shocked even some Democrats. Some critics even wished for his assassination and even made a movie on how it could be done. Our former president was not blind either, acknowledging "the one finger salute" he received in a visit to Canada. Bush went out of his way to show respect to all, even his harshest enemies. Bill and Hillary Clinton were invited to the White House during Bush's first term for the unveiling of their White House official portraits and the president found many good things to say about the former president and First Lady. I remember that occasion vividly and was struck at by his kind words. The very next day Hillary made several demeaning and insulting statements about Bush's decisions and motives.
I'm the first person to say that we should not sink to the level of our opponents. There is a time and a place to question someone's knowledge and competency. Sometimes we even have to wonder what motivates others to do what they do. The downside to Bush's style was that many good people began to believe his opponents, since the president did not appear to defend his actions and statements. It raised some questions in many minds and over time his poll numbers reflected that. Some have made the case that the elections of 2006 and 2008 reflect on Bush's approach, at least partially. I believe he had noble intentions and much good has come from his example. He just went too far.
A very wise priest and spiritual leader, Father Benedict Groeschel was once asked if he had any regrets to his 50 years of ministry. He said : "I think I placed too much value of prudence. There were times I should have spoken out more forcefully when bad things were going on in the Church, but I was told to exercise prudence". I think we need to say the same thing about having a "civil debate". There's a time for debate and there's a time to shout out the truth, lest it be lost in the misguided ideas about what true virtue is.
Gary
Much commentary has been made about congressman Joe Wilson's outburst during the president's speech Wednesday night. It was not something any of us like to see in a solemn setting like this. Mr. Wilson apologized immediately, citing his own weakness in overcoming "the passion of the moment". He says the outburst "You lie" was not pre-meditated. I take him at his word, seeing no evidence to contradict his statement. But it raised a question in my own mind - is there ever a time when such a harsh rebuke could be justified? Is politeness the highest value in the land? What about the truth?
Just hours before the speech, Mr. Wilson was reviewing HR 3200, the house version of the bill to revamp our health care system in the United States. He had just concluded from his reading and research that there were no guarantees against giving free medical care to illegal aliens in this country at the expense of tax-paying citizens. Whether this country should do this is a matter of intense debate. Mr. Wilson and many citizens don't believe it is right to spend tax money on something like this without a real clear decision made by the American people to do so. This was the background to his surprising shout. Most of us recognize our own propensity to do something like that, even against our own better judgment. Our laws make a distinction between a "crime of passion" and pre-meditated murder, which is not to say that speech comes close to a crime like that.
George Bush made a personal decision, announced in his first inaugural speech, to set a "new tone" in Washington. For better or worse, he was tired of the partisan wrangling, harsh allegations, and insults regularly tossed about between the two political parties. Some considered this as an honorable goal, something missing in our government, but others thought his judgment here to be naive. His opponents fashioned his style to be "tone deaf", a stubborn refusal to listen to his critics. There were things said about George Bush that shocked even some Democrats. Some critics even wished for his assassination and even made a movie on how it could be done. Our former president was not blind either, acknowledging "the one finger salute" he received in a visit to Canada. Bush went out of his way to show respect to all, even his harshest enemies. Bill and Hillary Clinton were invited to the White House during Bush's first term for the unveiling of their White House official portraits and the president found many good things to say about the former president and First Lady. I remember that occasion vividly and was struck at by his kind words. The very next day Hillary made several demeaning and insulting statements about Bush's decisions and motives.
I'm the first person to say that we should not sink to the level of our opponents. There is a time and a place to question someone's knowledge and competency. Sometimes we even have to wonder what motivates others to do what they do. The downside to Bush's style was that many good people began to believe his opponents, since the president did not appear to defend his actions and statements. It raised some questions in many minds and over time his poll numbers reflected that. Some have made the case that the elections of 2006 and 2008 reflect on Bush's approach, at least partially. I believe he had noble intentions and much good has come from his example. He just went too far.
A very wise priest and spiritual leader, Father Benedict Groeschel was once asked if he had any regrets to his 50 years of ministry. He said : "I think I placed too much value of prudence. There were times I should have spoken out more forcefully when bad things were going on in the Church, but I was told to exercise prudence". I think we need to say the same thing about having a "civil debate". There's a time for debate and there's a time to shout out the truth, lest it be lost in the misguided ideas about what true virtue is.
Gary
marriage - what a gift we have in each other
(written 2/15/2010)
I am full of gratitude, wonder, and joy for the gift of my marriage. Today is our 34th anniversary - more than a third of a century together in unbroken trust.
Love, faith, hope, hard work, trials, set backs, forgiveness, renewal, discovery, commitment, and unmerited grace and mercy are part of our story. There are some things that are hard to put into words because the totality of what this means is huge. Our union has changed both of us forever and given us so many wonderful things, some we needed, some we desired, and many things just pure gifts. Since no human is perfect in this life, we still struggle against our own tendencies that sometimes work against peace and unity. I'm so glad when we wrote our own vows (it was the 1970s - what can I say?), we included the phrase "I will forgive you always". That has saved me countless times, including this past week! Most of our disagreements are over stupid, inconsequential things. Alas, we humans carry so much baggage, it would sink us if we didn't have a way to disengage from past hurts, frustrations, and grief.
One of the biggest surprises for me this past year is how much we are still learning about each other. One would think after so much time and thousands of hours of talking, we would know all that can be known about each other, yet that is not true. We are still learning things about ourselves, things we have never communicated about because we did not know it ourselves. The light of Ellen's insights into my personality reveal undiscovered things, secret preferences and attitudes I have that I don't know myself. And I bring light to her as well. This is possible only because we trust each other. The years of steady love, affirmation, and respect changes everything. We are re-making each other and calling each other on to be the best version of ourselves. Sometimes that is a difficult transition, but the fruit is good. The fruit of our union is very, very good. Blessed be God, who gives us everything good - beyond all hope, calculation, or dream.
I am full of gratitude, wonder, and joy for the gift of my marriage. Today is our 34th anniversary - more than a third of a century together in unbroken trust.
Love, faith, hope, hard work, trials, set backs, forgiveness, renewal, discovery, commitment, and unmerited grace and mercy are part of our story. There are some things that are hard to put into words because the totality of what this means is huge. Our union has changed both of us forever and given us so many wonderful things, some we needed, some we desired, and many things just pure gifts. Since no human is perfect in this life, we still struggle against our own tendencies that sometimes work against peace and unity. I'm so glad when we wrote our own vows (it was the 1970s - what can I say?), we included the phrase "I will forgive you always". That has saved me countless times, including this past week! Most of our disagreements are over stupid, inconsequential things. Alas, we humans carry so much baggage, it would sink us if we didn't have a way to disengage from past hurts, frustrations, and grief.
One of the biggest surprises for me this past year is how much we are still learning about each other. One would think after so much time and thousands of hours of talking, we would know all that can be known about each other, yet that is not true. We are still learning things about ourselves, things we have never communicated about because we did not know it ourselves. The light of Ellen's insights into my personality reveal undiscovered things, secret preferences and attitudes I have that I don't know myself. And I bring light to her as well. This is possible only because we trust each other. The years of steady love, affirmation, and respect changes everything. We are re-making each other and calling each other on to be the best version of ourselves. Sometimes that is a difficult transition, but the fruit is good. The fruit of our union is very, very good. Blessed be God, who gives us everything good - beyond all hope, calculation, or dream.
the grass withers, the flower fades . . . God's word lives on
I was thinking just this morning in prayer (at 4 am!) that this aging thing is tough. But we do have an opportunity as we age for more reflection. Since the body slows down, even breaks down, we retreat into our inner sanctum, where we find a different, deeper wisdom. For me, this is a place where I can hear God. So the body's decay/breakdown/slowdown CAN be an opportunity to look at our lives in a different (more spiritual) way. I greatly value my physical health. With the inevitable changes that come with age, we have choices to make: to feel sorry for myself and lament to loss of our youth & vigor or to use all our energy and resources trying to re-create our youth. Or we can accept life on life's terms - do what we can to care for our bodies, but discover our inner resources that are always there. We tend to ignore these inner things when the body drives our daily routine.
I'm fortunate that I never required lots of sleep. 5 and 1/2 to 6 hours is enough and the rare 7 hours is really sleeping in! But the body clock seems to be migrating East, since I wake up earlier and earlier. I am becoming a monk! Up at 4 am for the day and fading around 10 pm. This is not unique since I know many older folks who live the same way - living by the sun! My house is a monastery at 4 am - quiet, peaceful, with no one else around. This is when I can meet God, Who is always waiting for me. I can read my Bible, pray & worship, and listen for the Master's gentle voice. He is always there but I am rarely still enough to hear. One of the benefits of aging is ability to quiet ourselves long enough to hear the Voice we all want to hear. His wisdom leaps off the pages of the scriptures, the Holy Spirit reminds us of all that Jesus said and did, and inspirations pour into our soul. My mind can think clearly in the early morning, not encumbered by the demands of my busy life.
I feel sorry for the many folks I know who panic or despair when the body's aging becomes manifest. My Mom and other older relatives are so unhappy and desperate over the inevitable process we all live with. A certain measure of acceptance goes a long way to bring tranquility. We just have to live just for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Gary
I'm fortunate that I never required lots of sleep. 5 and 1/2 to 6 hours is enough and the rare 7 hours is really sleeping in! But the body clock seems to be migrating East, since I wake up earlier and earlier. I am becoming a monk! Up at 4 am for the day and fading around 10 pm. This is not unique since I know many older folks who live the same way - living by the sun! My house is a monastery at 4 am - quiet, peaceful, with no one else around. This is when I can meet God, Who is always waiting for me. I can read my Bible, pray & worship, and listen for the Master's gentle voice. He is always there but I am rarely still enough to hear. One of the benefits of aging is ability to quiet ourselves long enough to hear the Voice we all want to hear. His wisdom leaps off the pages of the scriptures, the Holy Spirit reminds us of all that Jesus said and did, and inspirations pour into our soul. My mind can think clearly in the early morning, not encumbered by the demands of my busy life.
I feel sorry for the many folks I know who panic or despair when the body's aging becomes manifest. My Mom and other older relatives are so unhappy and desperate over the inevitable process we all live with. A certain measure of acceptance goes a long way to bring tranquility. We just have to live just for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Gary
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